she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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