I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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