The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.