at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
