last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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