ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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