; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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