He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
