why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
