I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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