does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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