wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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