Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
