My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
