Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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