I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Semen is not good for contacts.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
