someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
