I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
