dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
