I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
