do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
