did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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