my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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