this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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