I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
