then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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