sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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