On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
