I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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