Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
