she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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