I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
