Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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