I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
