I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
