Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you never un-have a 4some
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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