I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
