The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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