Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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