I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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