i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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