my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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