saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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