Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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