I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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