whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
