After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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