I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
where does the pee come out of this thing
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
