$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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