It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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