you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
