i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
