the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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