i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
