I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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