And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
