I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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