You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
