R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
