I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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