i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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