I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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