Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
