i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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