Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
