So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
True strength comes from lack of pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
