So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
being pregnant is like rehab
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
