I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
