I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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