I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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