from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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