Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ketchup is God's man juice
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
