I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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