Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You made out with two different species that night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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