how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
